Dangerous. That's what 'what if' questions are. Especially if you are asking yourself 'what if I had done something different'? But for some reason they are the hardest questions to avoid. They keep popping up at the weirdest moments, catching you unawares and sending you back to a moment in time that you would rather forget.
As some of you know, I had an incident in France at the beginning of this week, which left me thoroughly shaken. And even though everybody has told me since that I was not to blame, I had done the right thing, the what ifs are still there. Because that is what humans do: trying to find blame where there isn't.
Apart from the what ifs though, I am doing fine. I have driven already and that went really good. I have talked to a professional about it all and she handed me a few things to replace the what ifs with. I have had colleagues call, email or just chat to me. My family and friends have been very supportive and my parents have looked after me as if I was a little girl: asking me what I wanted to eat, listening to me when I wanted to talk, comforting me when I finally shed some tears.
I came back home on Thursday and have been doing fine so far. Next week I will be going away to Norway, a change of scenery, a chance to leave the what ifs behind.
But I just wanted to say to everybody: thank you for thinking of me, for your prayers and your thoughts. They have done me the world of good. What if I hadn't had any friends like you??
I'm so glad you're feeling on top of things again. A trip to Norway sounds just the job - mind the mosquitoes, though;-)
ReplyDeleteIt was a traumatic experience that must be terribly hard to process, so your mind keeps going back over it. Keep your chin up.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was teaching especially in Bible class, I wouldn't allow "what if" questions, because there are no answers to them. We only know what we know, so doubts and recriminations fester. But if we are going to do an experiment to see what happens in a "what if" situation that's different.
ReplyDeleteNo doubts, no recriminations Mara. I'm sure there was a reason, but only God knows why and we might find out later.
Glad you're back again.
I'm glad you're doing okay. I've been thinking of you often!
ReplyDeleteThat's good news ! slowly slowly you get over it ! the fact that you drove already is very good !
ReplyDeleteI know the what if's are hard but I am so happy that the professional had a source to help you with them. You have been in my thoughts and I am happy to hear you are back home. Have a wonderful time in Norway. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteReplace the "what if" with "it just is" which is the Buddhist approach to imponderables.
ReplyDeleteGlad to know you're feeling better and lots of happiness in Norway! Keep writing so we know about your new adventure!