Dangerous. That's what 'what if' questions are. Especially if you are asking yourself 'what if I had done something different'? But for some reason they are the hardest questions to avoid. They keep popping up at the weirdest moments, catching you unawares and sending you back to a moment in time that you would rather forget.
As some of you know, I had an incident in France at the beginning of this week, which left me thoroughly shaken. And even though everybody has told me since that I was not to blame, I had done the right thing, the what ifs are still there. Because that is what humans do: trying to find blame where there isn't.
Apart from the what ifs though, I am doing fine. I have driven already and that went really good. I have talked to a professional about it all and she handed me a few things to replace the what ifs with. I have had colleagues call, email or just chat to me. My family and friends have been very supportive and my parents have looked after me as if I was a little girl: asking me what I wanted to eat, listening to me when I wanted to talk, comforting me when I finally shed some tears.
I came back home on Thursday and have been doing fine so far. Next week I will be going away to Norway, a change of scenery, a chance to leave the what ifs behind.
But I just wanted to say to everybody: thank you for thinking of me, for your prayers and your thoughts. They have done me the world of good. What if I hadn't had any friends like you??