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| Being the au-pair to Camille (baby girl in my arms) and Jean (the little boy) |
I had a hysterectomy earlier this year as those of you who are old hats at reading my ramblings will know. And not only a hysterectomy, it also included the removal of one ovary and both fallopian tubes. Which severely cuts my chances of becoming a mother.
Now, I must say that I never really felt that I wanted, needed, must have children in order to feel complete. I did at one time want children and even had a biological clock ticking once. For a whole of two weeks it ticked and ticked while I was jealous of my cousin who was pregnant with her second daughter. And then the ticking stopped, never to return.
This is not to say that if I would have gotten pregnant I wouldn't have welcomed the baby with open arms. I would. I would have loved it. It just never happened. Never found the person I wanted to have one with either (I haven't found Ed yet and the real Ed is already taken by a fantastic woman I know cyberpersonally).
I know other women who have had hysterectomies, both younger and older, both with and without children. And some felt great about it (hey, no more periods, what's not to love?), while others felt it was a loss of part of their womanhood. I am in the first category. Happy to be without pain and everything that goes with that part of being a woman.
I am Mara, I am a woman and no, I am not, nor ever will be a mother. And that is fine. Honestly it is. It is me as well you know. As much as wearing glasses, being a bit overweight and loving Eurovision are. Oh, and proud of the huge big zip as well!!
The only mother in the house is Miss Oswin, who gave birth to four kittens (one survivor) about two months before she came to live with me.
This post is prompted by Spin Cycle. Thank you Ginny Marie at Lemon Drop Pie
Honestly if Mr G hadn't insisted I probably would never have been a mother. Of course once my son had arrived I was happy. The fact that you had this surgery doesn't change anything at all. You will always stay a woman !
ReplyDeleteHari OM
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post Mara! Even with all my 'bits', I never really ever had that clucky urge. All this thing about it is natural and you are only a real woman if you have the motherhood gene? NONSENSE! Playing aunty is more than enough for me...and clearly is for you.
...............but wait,...that's not Miss O on your lap! An earlier furpal I recall. ... Has Miss O had her big girl surery though? Or would you welcome another brood??? YAM xx
Thank you. The good thing about playing Aunty is that at the end of the day you can give them back, tantrum, dirty nappy and all!!
DeleteNo, that is not Miss Oswin on my lap. It's Wuppie, my big ginger love. About a month before he went to live with Pepperfly.
Miss Oswin had her surgery the week before she came to live with me last year. And amazingly it only took her a few days to get over it! What do cats have that humans don't?
I think one's maternal instincts come out with pets...Miss Oswin is lucky to have you as her fur-less mom!!
ReplyDeletehugs madi and mom
We all adapt to the realities of our existences, or at least most of us do.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post! Thanks for writing it! I'm so glad you had the surgery and are not in so much pain any more!
ReplyDeleteMy sister is learning to live without becoming a mother, and I know she really wanted to have kids. But she is a great aunt!
Ha, and I also love your new word, "cyberpersonally!" I hope to know you "personally" some day!
ReplyDeleteMy one sister is struggling with the concept of not becoming a mother. Out of the three of us, she wanted kids the most. She finally started to look at life with joy that does not include a child.
ReplyDeleteI think it must be a lot harder when you have always wanted to have children and then can't have them. I think I wanted children more because it was expected than anything else. Not to say that any children would have been unwelcome: far from it.
DeleteCrikey ..... kids .... who needs 'em. If you do then have 'em ... if you don't then don't. My Mum has 3 daughters. She wanted 'em .... she had 'em. One has 3 girls (she wanted boys), the other has 3 boys (she wanted girls), the other has dogs. They are all happy. Personally I think the one with dogs is the most sensible of the three but then I would, aye?? I can't have kids. I've had THAT operation!! It doesn't bother me. I got Aunty Yam but I could do with another Aunt. Wanna be my Aunt too????? Cyberpersonally of course!!
ReplyDeleteI always think that a house can be filled with children, but without a cat (or dog at a push) it will never be a home!
DeleteYeah, THAT operation! All my cats have had THOSE as well. And now me as it turns out!!!
I can be your aunt too. Cyberpersonally of course.
One definition of mother is bringing up a child with care and affection. I suspect you have shared a lot of care and affection with children through the years. There are lots of folks big and small that just need someone to be nice to them. Like a smile from the slightly overweight, bespectacled, motorcoach driver.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much. I hope I have been doing that over the years. And being an aunt is not too bad either. I get to give slobbery kisses (it's an aunt's perogative you know).
DeleteI believe I know the Ed you are talking about. I'm glad you are happy with yourself and your life. That's important. You don't need to be a mother to be a nurturing person and nothing wrong with having cats to love. You know I talk about wanting Grandchildren and I pray that someday I am but I also know that God has a plan for me and I am content with that.
ReplyDelete