It's been a year now. A year since the life of a young man changed forever. A young man who only wanted a better life for himself and tried to get to England. But he died crossing the motorway in northern France. He might have thought I drove a lorry. That he had enough time to get to the other side. I drove a coach. He wasn't fast enough. I saw him too late. And in an instant his life was over.
I was in shock that day. The adrenalin kept me going. I didn't know what to think or feel, I just knew I had to answer the police's questions truthfully and correctly. Submit to alcohol and drugtests. Allow them to take all the paperwork I had on me.
By 4pm (over 12 hours after the accident) I was told no charges were filed against me. It had been an accident. I was free to go home, come back to France if I wanted. Free. I was collected by one of the bosses at the company who took me home to my parents. Where I explained the whole thing again. The next day I visited my parents' gp. She told me I was good to go. Blood pressure and heart rate both normal. It took another day and a half before I felt like I was me again. Sort of.
I got psychological help. I told people about what had happened. The first time I drove on my own again I noticed everything coming out of the shadows. It lessened fortunately. I became more confident again.
Then I moved to Norway. Started a new life. Forgot about it. A bit. Because it will always be there. In the back of my head. Tucked away. Knowing that whilst I started a new life, he didn't. Couldn't. Because man is no match for a coach.
Oh, Mara dear, I'm so glad you aren't beating yourself up with guilt, but I am also glad you remember the young man who died, through no fault of yours.
ReplyDeleteIt is trite and even easy sometimes to think that's what happens, some people live and some people die, but it is impossible to be involved in an accident and put the thought out of your mind completely.
I'm so happy you have a good life in Norway, and pleased your parents have already been to visit you. You are a good, kind, wonderful person, and I'm happy to be your friend.
Luv, K
Hari Om
ReplyDeleteGod Dag Mara! Wasn't it lovely of Kay to think of us yesterday? It made me want to 'meet' you and I really like your blog, so am joining up!
Such events etch themselves on our 'hard drive' and I commend you having taken all the right care for yourself to get through the trauma. My having hit and damaged a deer once, I cannot begin to imagine how much worse it would feel if it were a human.
I do hope you will drop over my way and read about the crazy bus trip my friend and I endured on our intro to OZ. For best effect you should start here!
Interesting to find that you are Dutch - I have several connections with Holland, mainly from Utrecht.
Here's to tomorrow. YAM xx
A poignant post, Mara. You are doing so well after such a traumatic experience.
ReplyDeleteI was quite moved by your post today. I remember you blogging about it when it happened. What more is there to say and do than you have done? I will pray that you remain at peace about it.
ReplyDeleteAlready one year ! Of course you will never forget, but you learned to live with it such thinks happen and it's nobody's fault.
ReplyDeleteI remember you sharing your story and my heart ached for you. I knew it wasn't your fault and I'm glad you were able to understand that. Saying a prayer for the young man and his family.
ReplyDeleteBrok in m'n keel Mara. En ik bewonder hoe goed je ermee om bent gegaan, en nog gaat. Mooi geschreven.
ReplyDeleteLiefs,
Carolina