One of the things I often hear is 'are you married/in a relationship' and the next question is almost invariably: 'why not?' (since the answer to the first question is obviously no). But I am lying a little really. As a matter of fact I did get married once and I also wore a wedding dress. Though not at the same moment. Have you got question marks in your eyes now? Are you looking at the screen now and thinking: what on earth? And she never told us?
The thing is you see, I kind of forgot all about it. Because it happened quite a while ago. About 33 years in fact. The marrying part that is. The wedding dress was about 29 years ago. Totally unrelated.
Now, don't think my parents gave me up for a camel and three goats (although they might have done, we didn't go to my grandparents' farm that often). In fact, I don't even think my parents knew about it. SURPRISE!!!
So, since you are all great mathematicians and you can count and you all know of course I am at this moment 39, you have gathered that I must have been 6 when I got married. Well, that wedding. It was great. I think it was attended by my brother and the groom's sister and it happened in my bedroom. I think I wore a veil, although it has been so long ago, I can't quite remember. His name was Kees and he lived on a river freighter (a boat). I had seen him once before and our 'wedding' was the last time. We never did officially get divorced though...
More counting fingers proves that I was about 10 when I wore the wedding dress. My teacher wore the grooms' outfit (albeit only the top, the bottom was a soccer outfit) which caused quite a bit of hilarity. This time my parents knew of it: the dress I wore was my mother's actual wedding dress. Shortened a bit of course.
Of course in latter years I have been proposed to three times (one drunk, one for sex, one for money, all turned down) and I have had some very dodgy boyfriends or nearly boyfriends. A Northern Irish guy who looked great. Even in the Interpol 'Wanted' photos after he held a couple at gunpoint while robbing their hotel. And a baker with a sideline in stripping (didn't stay with him long enough to actually see that).
So, now you know! Any questions?
Well now, what can I say about that?
ReplyDeleteThe wedding and the wedding dress part, okay. Sounds like regular kid stuff.
The wanted poster and the stripping baker, however, defy even MY wild imagination.
I, actually, wouldn't have asked. There are lots of questions I don't ask.
However, what about the drunk? You kind of skimmed over that part.
-- K
Kay, Alberta, Canada
An Unfittie's Guide to Adventurous Travel
He was drunk, he asked me to marry him, he was sober, he didn't remember. Besides, he was too young: three years younger than I was!
ReplyDeleteim laughing
ReplyDeleteI still plan to do a photo shoot of messing up my wedding dress that people are doing now
cant decide if i want to do it in a river in the mountains, in the snow. maybe I will start this winter to keep it clean a bit in some snow shoots, fall my fav with leaves and fog, spring with new flowers and summer in the rain and getting it really dirty, oh what fun pictures that will be to show on my blog!
Uh uh. No questions. Ma'am.
ReplyDeleteI would say that you raised more questions as opposed to answering them! Marrying you for money? An Irish criminal? A stripping baker? Sounds like you might need to write an autobiography!
ReplyDeleteYou sure have met some uh, interesting men!
ReplyDeleteThank you for setting the record straight. So glad you didn't stay with those guys! Enjoyed the story of the wedding and dress.
ReplyDeleteWhen are you getting divorced ?
ReplyDelete