Did I ever tell you I took dancing lessons? Where I learnt the waltz and the tango, the foxtrot and the quick-step. And I took another class where I learnt the samba and the cha-cha, the jive and the rumba. There were several years where I didn't have a steady partner and danced with whoever was available, but there were also a few years where I was in luck and danced with the same person throughout.
Me taking dance lessons wasn't some ploy from my parents to turn me into a 'proper' young lady. I have always been and will always be 'proper' (although my colleagues might have something to say about that and will bring up belching: don't believe them, my burps are thoroughly ladylike) and didn't need anymore help. No, I went because I wanted to. I wanted to take tapdancing classes as well and my parents were okay with that too. Unfortunately bible class was on the same night and I had to go there!
For some reason I never liked watching dancing contests on television. The Germans are very good at it and will show it quite often as well. But those dancers: pulled back hair, tanned to within an inch of their lives, fake smiles. And that's just the men! Over the past few years however, I've discovered something that I do like. Strictly Come Dancing on the BBC. Yes, I know they did a Dutch version, but I never saw it.
Last season they had a guy called John Sergeant who couldn't dance to save his life, stomping around the dance floor making elephants and hippos look gracious. He was immensely popular though and was voted through every time at the expense of much better dancers. In the end he kept his honour and left of his own accord.
This season they have a woman called Anne Widdecombe. She's small and overweight (I would say Rubenesque, but she's past that) and again: can't dance! Last night however was her lowest point. She had to do the Samba, which is a fun and sexy dance with upper thigh length dresses. She showed up in the most awful bright yellow ankle length dress. She occasionally tried a step, but would fail, while all the time her partner would be dancing around her, trying to save as much as he could!
I hope the British public wakes up and realises the title of the programme: Strictly Come Dancing. So no faffing about, no stomping like a rhino and no big overgrown canary pretending to dance. Vote her out!